It has been a long time since I wrote anything not political, so here's a post on my other favorite topic: complaining about "good" service at restaurants.
I understand that restaurant staff (waiters, waitresses, servers, whatevertheywantobecalled) are trained in obsequiousness, but I don't have to like it. They start with "My name is Ignatz, and I'll be taking care of you." No, you won't, unless you're my significant other or a hitman. Eventually you'll be taking my order and with any luck, bringing me what I asked for.
I'm in my sixties, and by this point I have learned to read a menu and decide what I want to eat, ALL BY MYSELF. Sometimes I've even gone online and seen the menu before I've arrived. Yes, I'd like to hear the specials, but I don't want you ask me if I'd like an appetizer, and before I can politely respond, "No, thanks," you begin to recite (as you've been trained) the litany of small plates from the menu, which I've already read. Shut up, and let me order.
Oh, Matthew, you say, you're such a curmudgeon. Damned right I am! As I said, I'm in my sixties, and not only can't I eat as much as I used to, I can't even eat any of the deep-fried, cheesy, sriracha-laced, yummy-sounding concoctions any more.
Don't get me started, Person-Taking-Care-Of-Me. Why would you tell me what your favorite dish is? Have we ever met? Maybe your favorite dish would give me hives. Maybe I'm not in the mood for peanut butter/banana/sushi dessert that is your best seller.
What prompted this rant today? I actually had a server who left me the hell alone, and it was a delight. I don't know her name; she told me, but had no name badge, so I forgot. She helped me choose a dish by asking what I liked. She refilled my beverages and asked me once how I liked my food after it was served. She asked me if I wanted dessert, and most importantly (pay attention here) she did not ask me "Are you sure?" when I politely declined. It's amazing how many servers rudley question me on my certainty of not wanting dessert.
To sum up: I go to restaurants to eat and socialize with the people I'm with. I do not want a relationship with the staff. Okay? Bring me my food.
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